12:00 Thursday 14th February - 2008

"You know what a love letter is? ... It's a bullet from a fucking gun, fucker!"

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1st & 2nd Assassinations

Time of Kill: 12:02 - Thursday 14th February 2008
Victims:Super Justice & Birdy Meinhof
Assassins: Birdy Meinhof & Pasty Princess
Location: Birdy & Pasty's Flat
Weapon: Water Pistols
Witnesses: None
Here's how it all began: Birdy Meinhof was contracted to kill Super Justice after 12pm - Super Justice had spent the night with Pasty Princess but was late to wake up. Birdy Meinhof and Pasty Princess made awkward conversation in the lead-up to midday, while Super Justice lay in bed. Unbeknown to Birdy, Pasty Princess was contracted to kill him ... however her water pistol wasn't loaded, so she went into her bedroom and asked Super Justice to fill it in the bathroom under the pretence of relieving himself.

The cuckoo clock struck 12:00 and Birdy continued to make conversation with Pasty outside the bathroom - but now he had his water pistol hidden a shirt he was holding, and he assumed that killing Super Justice would be a swift and simple task.

Super Justice knew he had to get Pasty Princess's weapon to her without arousing suspicion, so tucked it down the back of his trousers and came out of the the bathroom to the hall where Birdy and Pasty were chatting. Pasty Princess was making 'give me the gun' eyes at him, and he attempted to talk to Birdy Meinhof casually, looking for an opportunity to do just that.

Unaware of this Drama, Birdy felt a moment of pity, thinking how Super Justice was happily chatting away to him, unsuspecting of his iminent death. Assassins have little time for pity however, and with one fluid movement, Birdy Meinhof pulled his water pistol from beneath his shirt and shot Super Justice square in the face - sending fragments of brain and skull across the shower curtain behind him.

Wanting to leave the scene of the crime as quickly as possible, Birdy went to get his coat, however this was the moment that Pasty Princess was waiting for. She quickly retreived the gun from the trousers of Super Justice's corpse and without a second's hesitation shot Birdy Meinhof in the side of the head, killing him instantly and making a horrible mess of their precious cream carpet!

3rd Assassination

Time of Kill: 13:45 - Thursday 14th February 2008
Victim:Icarus Smith
Assassin: Belladonna
Location: Aberdeen University - outside Meston Building
Weapons: Water Pistols
Witnesses: Unknown
Belladonna's report to the Assassin HQ: 1.45pm "today Bella Dona challenged Icarus Smith on campus outside Meston building. Icarus drew and shot but missed, then Bellas gun jammed. Both dived for cover but Icarus was too slow and was shot multiple times in the chest. Bella looted his corpse and continues on her way armed to the teeth..."

4th Assassination

Time of Kill: 17:20 - Thursday 14th February 2008
Victim:Rainbow Rage
Assassin: The Swede
Location: outside Rainbow Rage's house
Weapon: Some sort of dart gun
Witnesses: Unknown
Rainbow Rage had Smokin' Joe Stalin staying with her. Upon waking up, they spent some time together, rigging up a piano trap that could be triggered above the front door in the event of intruders.Having tested the above device, Rainbow Rage set out to find her next target, and in the process received a phonecall from The Swede.

The Swede told her that he wanted access to her house so he could kill Smokin' Joe Stalin. In exchange he would offer her services at a reduced rate. Rainbow Rage thought this was a good idea, but that information on her next target would be more valuable than money. The swede obliged and gave several personal details of her next target - so Rainbow Rage agreed to let the Swede into her house to kill Smokin' Joe Stalin, and agreed to meet him outside her front door.

When she got to her front door, Rainbow was confronted by The Swede, who emerged from a hedge, dartgun in hand and told her to freeze. Rainbow only had a few moments to realise that it was actually her, not Smokin' Joe Stalin that the Swede had came to kill. Her final thought was to contemplate reaching for the poison spray in her bag when The swede shot her in cold blood.

5th Assassination

Time of Kill: 18:27 - Thursday 14th February 2008
Victim:Cherry Martini
Assassin: Smokin' Joe Stalin
Location: Past Times
Weapon: Poision Gas
Witnesses: horrified anachronism shoppers
Cherry Martini was working part time in Past Times as a cover for an extremely deadly covert project she was working on. She was aware of her potential vulnerability while masquerading as a sales assistant, so had taken the precaution of keeping a stockpile of poison gas behind the till. Smokin' Joe Stalin entered the shop and although she didn't immediately recognise him, his idiosyncratic behaviour was enough to alert her suspicions. These suspicions were confirmed when he produced a cannister of lethal gas and headed towards her.

Cherry made a dive for the til in the hope of poisoning her poisoner, but succumbed to Stalin's deadly gas before she could get the lid off her own. Smokin' Joe Stalin left amidst scenes of looting as the shoppers took advantage of the situation and filled their bags with nostalgic relics.

Point totals at end of Thurday 14th February:

1st The Swede ... 12 points.
2nd= Birdy Meinhof / Pasty Princess / Belladonna / Smokin' Joe Stalin ... 10 points.

5 Assassins killed during the first day, with 14 still at large.

6th Assassination

Time of Kill: 13:50 - Friday 15th February 2008
Victim:Hellen Back
Assassin: Pasty Princess
Location: Union Street
Weapon: Water Pistol
Witnesses: Half of Aberdeen
Assassins newcomer Pasty Princess is displaying an almost chilling level of ruthlessness and efficiency. Upon discovering her second target was Hellen Back, she made telephone enquiries about her shifts, both at work, and college. Having established when she would be working, she persuaded her martial arts instructor (John Black) to kill her by suicide bombing. Mr Black arrived at Hellen Back's restaurant with Balloons strapped to his body, only to find that the person who had given out Hellen's shifts was either mistaken or lying. Incredibly (can this really be true?) - John Black infiltrated into the restaurant kitchens and located the staff rotas.

Mr Black reported back to Pasty Princess on Union Street, and with no small degree of irony (in light of the above preparations), Hellen Back chanced to walk straight past them. Pasty Princess grabbed her water pistol and gave chase down Union Street. Hellen Back saw her assailant coming, and realising that her poison gas cannister would be no match for a water pistol at range, decided to take flight. There ensued a frantic chase down Aberdeen's busiest street, with startled pedestrians leaping desperately for safety. The chase ended when Mr Black tackled Hellen Back to the ground. While Pinned to the pavement, Pasty Princess caught up and mercilessly sent her target on a one way trip to hell.

Failed Assassintion Attempt

Time of attempted Kill: 12:45 - Friday 15th February 2008
Assassin:HIV Unicorn
Location: Poison Gas
Witnesses: Several tourists who probably chose not to stay the night in Aberdeen
Just as the poor deceased Cherry Martini was working undercover as a Sales Assistant - Totoro's public face was that of a smiling, welcoming tourist information girl. She was already in a state of extreme paranoia throughout the day - and the cliche about people still being after you despite such feelings held true in this case.

AT approximately 12:45 a mysterious bearded hiker entered the Tourist Information board and proceded to spray poison gas. Having spotted his overly glossy fake beard at a distance, Totoro made a run for it, and somehow managed to escape her gaseous doom.

Point totals at 18:00 on Friday 15th February:

1st Pasty Princess .......................................................................................................................... 22 points
2nd The Swede ................................................................................................................................14 points
3rd Belladonna/Smokin' Joe Stalin ........................................................................................................... 12 points
4th Birdy Meinhof........................................................................................................................ ... 10 points
5th= Yellow Peril/Barracuda/Tabby Tokyo/Hellen Back/Badger1/HIV Unicorn/Totoro/El Casadoro/Khunti Baws/Weapon X /Cherry Martini............... 2 points
17th= Super Justice/Rainbow Rage/Icarus Smith..................................................................................0 points

6 Assassins killed so far, with 13 still at large.

Extract from the journal of Tabby Tokyo

Friday 15th February, 12:20 - I've survived 24 hours and my plotting for my targets bloody end is well underway...they shall not evade me. I've spent the last day looking over my shoulder and being highly suspicious of those I know as members of the Assassins ring. 5 deaths have been reported so far according to intelligence but that number could increase with every passing minute. Cherry Martini was tragically killed in a poison gas attack at her work place yesterday evening. Tragic, yes but advantageous to me and an assassin has no time for mourning when they have a contracted killer hot on their tail and a job to do. One more threat removed as far as I'm concerned, especially as we share an apartment.

Anyway, I must not linger in one place too long for their are assassins loitering around every corner. My weapons are ready and primed in case of any surprise attack. I'll update again soon if I survive the day...


Death night - Friday 15th February 2008

Friday 15th was a tangled web of backstabbing and mayhem .... 8 Assassins met their deaths, and one was excommunicated for a mistaken poison attack.

Of the four remaining Assassins, two were excommunicated at noon on Saturday for failing to kill their contracted targets.

As for the events of the Friday night ... I'm waiting to get proper reports from all involved before giving a full account of the horrific events which took place. Belladonna sent in a very accurate report of everything she had accomplished immediately prior to her demise. If anybody else could email me some details it would be greatly appreciated, because I want to hear about what happened from everybody's point of view.

In the meantime here is a rough outline of the night's events:

21:50 The Swede arrived at Totoro's flat. It was the Swede's birthday - Totoro handed him a present with 'Happy Fucking Birthday' written on the wrapping paper, but there was a gun hidden beneath it and in a muzzle flash the Swede lay dead beside his unopened gift. The Swede's target was El Casadoro ... he arrived at Totoro's flat shortly after and suffered a similar fate at her hands.

Down by the harbour in the Moorings Bar, HIV Unicorn was lamenting his failed assassination on Totoro at the tourist information board. (he had been disguised as the bearded hiker) - His story of woe was cut short as Gregg held his wrist aloft to reveal he had a bomb tied to it. He lit the fuse and waited for his martyrdom - HIV Unicorn ran for cover and Gregg managed to blow himself up along with several innocent bystanders. It was later established that he had actually been sent to kill Yellow Peril ... how he managed to fail on his suicide mission so badly is yet to be established.

HIV Unicorn was pleased to survive the suicide bombing, but knew that he was living on borrowed time because two Assassins were looking for him ... as it happened, Belladonna was the first to find him - at 22:33 she strode into the Moorings, cloaked and two guns blazing, riddling HIV Unicorn with waterbullets. She finished him off with poison lipstick, but that was just for fun since he was already extremely dead.

At approximately 23:15 on the other side of town, Tabby Tokyo was killed by a poison gas attack in her restaurant by the cunning Barracuda.

At approximately 23:30 Totoro arrived in the Moorings Bar - her target was Pasty Princess, but Belladonna had been lying in wait and executed Totoro with a shot to the back of the head - again there were multiple witnesses, since the Moorings clientelle were too drunk to flee the multiple shootings and bombings that were going on around them.

Now well and truly on a killing spree, Belladonna was informed that her next target was Pasty Princess, who was working behind the Moorings Bar. Pasty had been on edge all night and had several weapons hidden behind the bar, and a large supply of poison smarties to hand. Pasty Princess saw Belladonna coming at her ... she drew her gun and attempted to duck behind the bar, but Belladonna was quicker and deadly accurate. Poor paranoid Pasty Princess was plugged with a water bullet and died instantly

The next deaths involved a four way encounter between Belladonna, Smokin' Joe Stalin, Barracuda, and Khunti Baws - who by this time were all in the Moorings Bar. Belladonna's last report is currently the only record of what happened:

After I had dispatched Unicorn, I saw Smokin'Joe. After a lot of paranoid threats, we agreed to work together to dispatch our targets.Barracuda walked in (I was hiding behind the door, pistols ready) and we aimed at eachother - then we realised that we weren't out to kill each other and I created a seperate alliance with her.Then we noticed Kunti Baws. I approached him and he asked to borrow one of my guns - obviously I refused cause I could have been his contract. He swore blind I wasn't but I didn't believe him until I forced him at gunpoint to show me his contract: it was Barracuda. Smokin' Joe, my ally,was standing behind him and looked at me questioningly when he saw me looking at the contract. I nodded - I meant to shake my head, really! But Joe somehow got the wrong message and sprayed Baws with poison gas.However, he did this so sneakily that no one noticed. The only reason we know about it now is because he so gallantly owned up to it! Back to the action: I handed my pistol to Baws so he could shoot his contract (Barracuda) but was really just about to turn round and warn my loyal comrade but unfortunately I was too late: they both drew and shot at the same time. Somewhat inebriated, Baws missed at point blank range.

Barracuda on the other hand was sober (as befits a professional assassin) and defended against her own assassination by killing Khunti Baws with an accurate shot. Smokin' Joe Stalin was immediately exommunicated from the Assassin's ring for his attempted poisoning of Mr Baws - however he has earned significant respect for his honesty in this matter.

More from Belladonna's last report:

Standing outside, scheming, I saw fellow assassins approach, including Yellow Peril. I had actually been trying to get in touch with him since the start of the mission, as I had sneakily found out who had a contract out on him (sorry, Smokin' Joe... I did try to feel bad about all the deception but that would have involved feeling)

The above report was written around midnight - accounts suggest that Belladonna was planning on swapping intelligence with Yellow Peril, but before she could open her mouth he was shot through through the heart, or at least that's what he was aiming for, because at the autopsy it was discovered that Beladonna didn't actually have a heart).

Yellow Peril and Barracuda were the only ones left standing, and managed to establish that neither were each other's targets, so reached an uneasy truce. The other Assassins Badger 1 and Weapon X hadn't apepared, so with their work complete, they faded into the night. Badger 1 did indeed make an appearance at Cafe Drummonds later that night, but his target had long since flown the coup.

At 12pm on Saturday 16th February 2008 the high council of Assassins issued an exommunication order against Weapon X and Badger 1 for their inefficiency.

Now only Yellow Peril and Barracuda remain at large - both have til Noon on Monday 18th to eliminate each other.

Point totals at 15:00 on Saturday 16th February:

1st Belladonna ... 62 points
2nd= Pasty Princess / Totoro ... 22 points
4th Barracuda .... 19 points
5th= Yellow Peril/ The Swede .... 14 points
7th Birdy Meinhof...10 points
8th= Tabby Tokyo / Hellen Back / Badger1 / HIV Unicorn / El Casadoro / Khunti Baws / Weapon X / Cherry Martini ... 2 points
16th= Super Justice / Rainbow Rage / Icarus Smith/ Smokin'Joe Stalin ...0 points

If either Yellow Peril or Barracuda make a kill before Noon on Monday then they could get a further 30-34 points.

In any case Belladonna is the clear winner and can take her place posthumously in The Assassins hall of fame! Excellently played! :D

Failed Assassintion Attempt

Time of attempted Kill: Late evening - Sunday 17th February
Target:Yellow Peril
Location: A Bingo Hall
Witnesses: None
Further details have emerged in connexion with Sunday's failed assassination attack on Yellow Peril. It would appear that Barracuda tracked him down to the unlikely location of a Bingo Hall, where he was working as a caller. Details are still sketchy, but it would seem that after weighing up the risk of apprehension that would accompany such a public assassination of a Bingo caller at work, she decided that discretion was the better part of valour. If any further information arrives then I will be sure to add it asap.

The Final Excommunications

At noon on Monday 18th February 2008, the High Council of the Assassins ring unceremoniously excommunicated Barracuda and Yellow Peril for failing to kill their targets within 48 hours. Thus of the 19 Assassins, 14 were killed, and 5 were released from the ring.

Final Point totals at 12:00 on Monday 18th February 2008:

1st Belladonna ... 62 points ( 4 kills / assassinated)
2nd Barracuda ... 31 points ( 1.5 kills / excommunicated )
3rd Yellow Peril... 26 points ( 1 kill / excommunicated )
4th Pasty Princess ... 22 points ( 2 kills / assassinated )
5th Totoro ... 22 points ( 2 kills / assassinated )
6th The Swede .... 14 points ( 1 kill / assassinated )
7th Birdy Meinhof...10 points (1 kill / assassinated )
8th= Weapon X / Badger1 (both 0 kills / excommunicated)
10th Khunti Baws ... 2 points (0 kills / slain by his own target)
11th Tabby Tokyo ... 2 points (0 kills / assassinated )
12th HIV Unicorn ... 2 points (0 kills / assassinated )
13th El Casadoro ... 2 points (0 kills / assassinated )
14th Hellen Back ... 2 points (0 kills / assassinated )
15th Cherry Martini ... 2 points (0 kills / assassinated )
16th Smokin'Joe Stalin ... 0 points ( 1.5 kills / excommunicated )
17th Rainbow Rage ... 0 points (0 kills / assassinated )
18th Icarus Smith ... 0 points (0 kills / assassinated )
19th Super Justice ... 0 points (0 kills / assassinated )

(Points ties have been settled by virtue of time of death)

Post mortem: This was definitely one of the most enjoyable games of Assassins. I feel that the decision to allow the discussion of targets added a whole new dimension. Belladonna richly deserves her win, with 4 confirmed assassinations, and a hand in the elimination of Baws and Stalin. Pasty Princess was particularly impressive for her detective skills in tracking down Hellen Back. Stalin deserves a special mention for his honesty in the three way encounter with Baws and Barracuda. This was a very hard encounter to rule on what actually 'happened', since by rights, Stalin's poison should have killed Baws instantly, but since he hadn't been aware of it, he went on to attack Barracuda and was shot by her. It would have been unfair to nullify Barracuda's defensive kill, so I reckon the poison was slow acting due to Baw's massive tolerance for toxins, and while it would have been fatal, it never had a chance to take it's course before Barracuda finished the job with her water pistol.
The Swede's use of deception to lure Rainbow rage to her death was extremely well done ... using psychology to bring his unsuspecting victim straight to him. Very clever. I wish I'd seen a photograph of Unicorn's hiker disguise, another great touch from the master of bizzare creativity! Totoro showed that she has lost none of her former deadliness. Yellow Peril put a stop to the the seemingly unstoppable Belladonna. Barracuda traveled all around Aberdeen to find her targets. Blablabla - I could go on and on, but big big thanks to everybody who made it so special this time!!!

I think that the enthusiasm really has to be there for Assassins to work, and maybe it took a four year break to get it back. This Halloween will be the fifth anniversary of the first game, so if everybody is up for it around that time, then I'd be keen on running it again. In the meantime feel free to send in more details, so there's a good record of something that was much fun while it lasted.